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Diggery
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Name: Jamaal
Gender: Male
Interests: martial arts
Expertise: Factitous Accounts and Recollection of Past Events
Occupation: Generical Engineer
Industry: Professional Thinkology and Co
Message: message me
AIM:  jamaalcrazy
Member Since:
7/28/2006
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| So the summer is starting off in an interesting way. Already I have not been up to par with all the commitments i made at CFW. For that i am sorry. I need to be more diligent and more disciplined. I also need friends who will point out my flaws but in a loving way. I feel like i need to be made better, and there is no better time to perfect myself than now while i am still young. God would you please have mercy on me, for i am a sinner and at some point during this summer i will fail. May i know what it is to be completely free from all guilt or shame, and may i live in the fullness of all that you are to me.
Living with the people im living with will be a learning experience. I am a short term passive aggressive person. that means that things will bother me i will not tell you but you will feel it bothers me and then i will be over it in the next minute. So we will see how my roommates handle that. Or I will change my ways. I think this will be a very good summer. I am happy to be working all though i am not making a lot of money i am making more than i was before. so i cant complain.
i have a lot of stuff planned for this summer but most of all i hope that i can stay true to God. Even now I'm off to a rough start. God be with us...
Deuteronomy 6:4-9
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| Everything seems to go wrong at the worst possible moment. Danielle situation, Apt falls through, cant find another, find another, need to sign crap, lose ipod, soaked in rain, complaining, irritable, upset, pissed off. So many emotions that i dont want to have. I feel vulnerable all the time and sometimes its the worst feeling ever. sometimes i just dont want to see anyone or anything. i dont want to feel. what happened to the quiet emotionless jamaal. that guy from freshman year. that guy was cool. that guy could take an emotional beating and keep on trucking. Sometimes i want to bring him back. sometimes i feel it would be easier just to fall back into those old ways. then i remember just how lonely that guy was and why he had to go away. I'm going through all this just to be with friends. friends that could abandon me, betray me or whatever else at the drop of a hat. but i do it because they are friends and we have a bond. if it werent for them the old jamaal would still be here lonely and emotionless.
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| I love martial arts. its like the best stuff ever. I like the movement
the action, the crappy sound effects everything. Sometimes i wish
i knew martial arts, but what would i use it for. most martial artist
dont use their skills because they are only for defense. I would go
around creating trouble and using my sweet skills to kick serious butt.
I especially love the old school china stories when gangs of people
like followed this master around. And like the master and the gang
would just go around kicking butt all the time. and then you'd have
the monks who knew how to break somebody down but didnt cause
they was all peaceful and stuff. But ever so often the master and the
gang would get outta hand and try and fight the monks. and the monks
had to let them know "we dont play that" and they would kick butt.
I think i would like to write a martial arts movie script. It wouldnt take
much for me. there would be zero plot, somebody looks at me the
wrong way and we start to fight and that the whole movie
is one huge fight sequence for 2 and a half hours.
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| Just when you feel down and out. Like God has forgotten you. He sends a prophet to speak into your life.
That's exactly what happened to me. After a service at the vineyard a woman came up to me with a word from God. A word of encouragement that God is pleased with me. I feel affirmed that my work has not been in vain. That God has truly been using me and that he will continue to be by my side. I give praise and thanks for what he has done for me.
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| So yeah lots o stuff going on since last i wrote. The world has kept moving while i still am standing in one place. I feel betrayed by my feelings all the time. Jealousy, Envy, the shadow of Greed that is. How true it is sometimes. What do I want. Honestly I don't know any more. People are hooking up left and right all around me and i feel left out. I know fear is a path to the darkside ( I love starwars). But one of my fears is being alone from anyone. Family, Friends, Girlfriend, whatever. A lot of the time I just dont feel needed. I guess that is what i want all the time. is to be needed by someone. Maybe I do need a girlfriend or is that relying on the wrong thing. I went through an ordeal with a friend that ended in us not speaking as often and things really awkward. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe I was made to suffer. through all of the adversities the worries, the fear, the jealousy, the envy, the greed, only one thing remains. God. Why does he love me soo much? Why did he give his life for ME? Am I worth it?
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